Wednesday, February 17, 2016

On generative times and when it's not one

Author John Green and his brother Hank make videos in which they address each other, and lots of people have watched them for quite a few years now. Their most recent is my favorite in a long time:

It reminds me of a period when both John and Hank were churning out vlogs that hit me in my gut the way this one does, and how that was (probably, if I were to guess) tied to a particular set of circumstances. Once those circumstances went away, they continued making worth-watching vlogs that just happened to not hit me in quite the same visceral way.

And then that hit me, too. There are stretches of time when, for a magical chemical mix of reasons, I feel like I'm onto something, like I'm on the verge of encountering something really marvelous. I can write, think, do, whatever else with energy and direction and inspiration. Then, on the other hand, there are stretches where... well, where that's not the case. It's just ordinary doing stuff.

Right now is a not-onto-something phase. Everything is dandy, and it also seems sort of faded. That's fine. I don't like it, but I'm not worried about it. Maybe this should prompt me to go looking for something to be excited about, but I'm pretty sure that's how I got here - I came for something exciting, and it's the same thing it ever was. Meanwhile, the alchemy of the moment happens to be such that I'm not feeling on the verge of something marvelous.

I'm pretty sure my mom started worrying about me about a paragraph ago, but my point is not that there's something wrong. This video reminded also me that the goodness and wonder of the world aren't dependent on how spunky I feel. There's nothing I can do to make them not be there. I'm in kind of a slogging along time, but there are always little wonders on the way.

P.S. A belated happy birthday and much Brownsville love to Sean.

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