**EDIT: Dear AT&T text messaging: Thanks for making my hilarious story via text message into truncated nonsense. You're great.
Dear Readers: I've edited the story. It should make sense now.**
Fish: I think I'll buy this shirt.
Me: It's cute, but it looks big.
F: Yeah, but all the smalls have things like I love my grandma and teddy bears and stuff.
Me: Well, don't you love your grandma?
F (emphatically): Sure, but that's not what Vegas is all about! Unless you're talking about gambling grannies carrying teddy bears.